Fear? Ain't Nobody Got Time for That! (Heights, Scorpions, Bats, etc.)

Fear is a natural emotion that helps us avoid harm--and we experience a lot of it in our large, soft-hearted family (e.g. killer bees, fear that Voldemort is hiding in the bathroom...). Typically, there is a low likelihood of any real danger, making our fears irrational. These kind of fears don't really serve a purpose and cause unnecessary grief. As such, we've been on a mission to face our irrational fears, so we can punch those phobias right in the throat.

Here are some examples:

Fear of Heights

Knowing Erik's fear of heights, I was pleasantly surprised he wanted to conquer that fear at ESCAPE Adventure Park for his birthday. They have far-reaching zip lines, rock climbing, high ropes obstacle courses, and much more. Of course we didn't make the kids do anything they didn't feel comfortable doing, but by the end of the day they wanted to do most everything, even Amelia (though she had a slow start).

It was really fun to see Amelia's mental journey throughout the day. Our first activity was a ropes course, which seemed to be designed for folks much bigger than Amelia's cute little 5-year-old self. In fact, she got stuck multiple times in some of the obstacles, requiring park assistance. She repeated to herself, "I regret this!" in the most adorably concerned voice ever. However, by the end of the day, she built up enough confidence to love every minute of these high thrills, including Atan's Leap (see below). You braveheart, man. You braveheart.

Atan's Leap was the most fearsome attraction for the day: a 12m (~40ft) and 20m (~65ft) jump off a tower. We were safely harnessed, of course, but that initial leap still required a huge dose of courage. The park allowed the kids to do the 12m jump (multiple times each) and reserved the 20m jump for adults only. Check out the footage below:

As a result, Erik's greatest birthday gift was overcoming his fear of heights--so proud of him! He considers himself "cured" (of an irrational fear of heights). This is a big deal for him.

Fear of Bugs
Erik is also an extreme bug lover who chases away pest control guys, cries when we smash the ant trail streaming out of our pantry, and once got a book entitled, How to Convince Your Parents to get you a Pet Tarantula (which didn't work, btw...). However, his bug-loving ways haven't necessarily transferred to the rest of us, and actually he's not a fan of handling bugs himself--he just likes to look at them.

Last week we celebrated Charlie's birthday at Entopia, an insect museum, and had the chance to handle a disgusting scorpion, fascinating rhinoceros beetles (and a giant rhino grub), a 6-inch long millipede, and other creepy crawlies. Did you know that, for its size, the rhino beetle is the strongest animal on the planet and can lift 850 times it's own weight... that's like me dead lifting 70 minivans at once... what???!!!

The employee said that this breed of scorpion only has a "mild" venom--if stung, you'd be sick for "just a couple days." Is that supposed to be funny? However, this kind rarely stings, preferring to use its pincers when threatened. The experience was definitely Fear Factor material and Amelia was the first/most enthusiastic volunteer.

We also encountered other wild creepers in Indonesia a couple weeks ago, like the nastiest poisonous centipede imaginable (below), giant forest ants the size of a quarter, and even a cockroach in the hotel bed. And look--we survived and are now less stressed by some of our irrational fears, understanding a little more about the boundaries of safety.

The lesson for the kids was that just seeing something nasty doesn't mean it will harm you even if it is capable; it usually requires an imminent threat to justify an attack. We can still be grossed out, but no longer have to be paralyzed by fear.

Fear of Snakes
I learned that lesson long ago while hiking many trails in Rocky Mountain rattlesnake territory. There were times I saw rattlesnakes, but I learned to peacefully coexist. As a result, I could enjoy some of the most breathtaking mountains in the world. The existence of snakes--or any possible danger--shouldn't automatically inhibit our ability to enjoy the world's joys and wonders. YOLO!

You may have already read about our experience at the Penang Snake Temple. I will add, though, that we encountered a Wagler's pit viper in the Indonesian jungle. Our guide reconfirmed what we learned previously about the snake's character. This validated the fact that although there is technically potential for danger, our fear of it was irrational because we now understood how to behave; they are nocturnal and extremely shy. There are boundaries to learn and respect; problems usually only arise when people act inappropriately, like when trying to kill it.

FLYING SNAKE! Below is an amazing paradise tree snake we encountered on my birthday hike this year. And guess what--this cutie can fly! This guy can flatten its body like a ribbon, waving its underbelly for incredible air control. Don't believe me? Here's a PBS NATURE video that explains the science of the flying snake (queued up to the coolest part). We loved observing this cutie; it was even more rewarding to study it further at home.

Fear of Bats
Taking a lesson from Bruce Wayne, we also spent some time with bats. We later learned that these "Malayan flying foxes" are the largest bats in the world with a wingspan of almost 5 ft. Though the scientific name Pteropus Vampyrus seems to imply a thirst for blood, they actually only eat fruit, nectar, flowers, and pollen. I was shocked that only 3 of 1,100 species of bats consume blood! These demonized vegetarians have a major branding problem...

Not surprisingly, they aren't nearly as dangerous and frightening as we had thought... and maybe even a little bit charming. Sure, it has nasty sharp claws, pointy ribbed ears, huge leathery wings, and a crazy thumb-like dagger appendage coming out mid-wing. It may be weird but not necessarily scary. Unless it has rabies--then it IS scary (but highly unlikely--the CDC states that in the US, human cases of rabies only total 1-2 a year).

Performance Anxiety
Switching gears a little, several of us have talents that subject us to performance fears and anxiety.  Nothing gets your heart thumping like the intense vulnerability performers know--your preparation time is over and it's just you in front of a crowd with nowhere to hide. This skills "test" can be intimidating to even the most seasoned veterans.

Meilin often thrives in this environment--her natural expressiveness lights up the stage in musical theater. She loves the adrenaline rush of performing (one production included 50 live performances and stage fright evaded her every time). However, playing piano in front of others is a different story--mentally, she's swinging from the chandeliers.

Last month she accompanied the youth choir at our church's District Conference. This was in front of a large unfamiliar crowd for a special worship service. She had to muscle through some nervous mistakes in the first verse, but by the third verse she nailed it! As a kid, I wouldn't have had the guts to do that.

Then last Saturday, she was asked to fill in as pianist for our local congregation, giving her less than a day to prepare. This included playing prelude music, congregational hymns, and postlude music. Though an average human nose could smell her nervousness from about 5 meters away, she played through the fear brilliantly. At one point, she made a mistake and couldn't find her place for several measures-- she panicked a little, regrouped, and picked right back up again. What a pro!

Side note: the myth of perfection is extremely dangerous because of course it's unattainable. Mistakes are a requirement for overcoming perfectionist fears and unrealistic expectations. We stunt our growth when we avoid doing difficult things because we fear failure (a trap I have found myself in, as well as our two perfectionist children). We can work through mistakes no matter how big or small, and life goes on. Progression should be measured, not perfection. If this is your mindset, your alleviated grief bone will thank you regularly.

Final Thoughts
Facing an irrational fear demystifies it, bringing an understanding of more realistic outcomes. It also enables a dramatic power shift from the paralyzing emotion of phobia to the courage center of your mighty brain. The new experience allows you to sustain your newfound courage into the future. Facing fears in a safe environment breeds the confidence needed to maximize personal freedom and happiness.

By nature, I am a worrier. It's something I've been working on for years! As a kid, my mom convinced me that my "creative" worries were evidence of imaginative genius (also please appreciate my mullet, below). Her attitude helped me discover some hidden value in my fears, bringing a secret pride to my anxious kid mind. This resulted in more creative pursuits and I'm a better person because of it. However, this attitude did keep my worries unchecked well into adulthood, though less so during those seemingly invincible teenage years before my brain fully developed... (but that's another story.)

Dale Carnegie's book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living helped me start with a few techniques that I still use weekly, if not daily, with myself or my kids. My favorite tactic is to mentally work through a perceived worst case scenario, considering its likelihood of playing out. And since I feel mentally prepared for a worst case scenario, it makes facing a less-than-desirable situation much more manageable.

FDR famously said, "The only thing to fear is fear itself." We're taking a proactive approach to managing our fears-- we've faced 9 of these top 10 fears in the past month! There is much more conquering ahead of us, but we've gotten a great start.

In a world fraught with danger and uncertainty, we do need to be vigilant and aware of our surroundings, but our fears need not paralyze us... or even change our behavior unless there is a reasonable chance that our fears will play out. If the fear is unlikely, we can improve our quality of life by defeating it.