Fear is a natural emotion that helps us avoid harm--and we experience a lot of it in our large, soft-hearted family (e.g. killer bees, fear that Voldemort is hiding in the bathroom...). Typically, there is a low likelihood of any real danger, making our fears irrational. These kind of fears don't really serve a purpose and cause unnecessary grief. As such, we've been on a mission to face our irrational fears, so we can punch those phobias right in the throat.

Here are some examples:

Fear of Heights
Fear of Bugs
Erik is also an extreme bug lover who chases away pest control guys, cries when we smash the ant trail streaming out of our pantry, and once got a book entitled, How to Convince Your Parents to get you a Pet Tarantula (which didn't work, btw...). However, his bug-loving ways haven't necessarily transferred to the rest of us, and actually he's not a fan of handling bugs himself--he just likes to look at them.

Last week we celebrated Charlie's birthday at Entopia, an insect museum, and had the chance to handle a disgusting scorpion, fascinating rhinoceros beetles (and a giant rhino grub), a 6-inch long millipede, and other creepy crawlies. Did you know that, for its size, the rhino beetle is the strongest animal on the planet and can lift 850 times it's own weight... that's like me dead lifting 70 minivans at once... what???!!!
The employee said that this breed of scorpion only has a "mild" venom--if stung, you'd be sick for "just a couple days." Is that supposed to be funny? However, this kind rarely stings, preferring to use its pincers when threatened. The experience was definitely Fear Factor material and Amelia was the first/most enthusiastic volunteer.

We also encountered other wild creepers in Indonesia a couple weeks ago, like the nastiest poisonous centipede imaginable (below), giant forest ants the size of a quarter, and even a cockroach in the hotel bed. And look--we survived and are now less stressed by some of our irrational fears, understanding a little more about the boundaries of safety.
The lesson for the kids was that just seeing something nasty doesn't mean it will harm you even if it is capable; it usually requires an imminent threat to justify an attack. We can still be grossed out, but no longer have to be paralyzed by fear.

Fear of Snakes
I learned that lesson long ago while hiking many trails in Rocky Mountain rattlesnake territory. There were times I saw rattlesnakes, but I learned to peacefully coexist. As a result, I could enjoy some of the most breathtaking mountains in the world. The existence of snakes--or any possible danger--shouldn't automatically inhibit our ability to enjoy the world's joys and wonders. YOLO!
You may have already read about our experience at the Penang Snake Temple. I will add, though, that we encountered a Wagler's pit viper in the Indonesian jungle. Our guide reconfirmed what we learned previously about the snake's character. This validated the fact that although there is technically potential for danger, our fear of it was irrational because we now understood how to behave; they are nocturnal and extremely shy. There are boundaries to learn and respect; problems usually only arise when people act inappropriately, like when trying to kill it.
Fear of Bats
Taking a lesson from Bruce Wayne, we also spent some time with bats. We later learned that these "Malayan flying foxes" are the largest bats in the world with a wingspan of almost 5 ft. Though the scientific name Pteropus Vampyrus seems to imply a thirst for blood, they actually only eat fruit, nectar, flowers, and pollen. I was shocked that only 3 of 1,100 species of bats consume blood! These demonized vegetarians have a major branding problem...
Not surprisingly, they aren't nearly as dangerous and frightening as we had thought... and maybe even a little bit charming. Sure, it has nasty sharp claws, pointy ribbed ears, huge leathery wings, and a crazy thumb-like dagger appendage coming out mid-wing. It may be weird but not necessarily scary. Unless it has rabies--then it IS scary (but highly unlikely--the CDC states that in the US, human cases of rabies only total 1-2 a year).

Performance Anxiety
Switching gears a little, several of us have talents that subject us to performance fears and anxiety.  Nothing gets your heart thumping like the intense vulnerability performers know--your preparation time is over and it's just you in front of a crowd with nowhere to hide. This skills "test" can be intimidating to even the most seasoned veterans.

Meilin often thrives in this environment--her natural expressiveness lights up the stage in musical theater. She loves the adrenaline rush of performing (one production included 50 live performances and stage fright evaded her every time). However, playing piano in front of others is a different story--mentally, she's swinging from the chandeliers.
Last month she accompanied the youth choir at our church's District Conference. This was in front of a large unfamiliar crowd for a special worship service. She had to muscle through some nervous mistakes in the first verse, but by the third verse she nailed it! As a kid, I wouldn't have had the guts to do that.

Then last Saturday, she was asked to fill in as pianist for our local congregation, giving her less than a day to prepare. This included playing prelude music, congregational hymns, and postlude music. Though an average human nose could smell her nervousness from about 5 meters away, she played through the fear brilliantly. At one point, she made a mistake and couldn't find her place for several measures-- she panicked a little, regrouped, and picked right back up again. What a pro!

Side note: the myth of perfection is extremely dangerous because of course it's unattainable. Mistakes are a requirement for overcoming perfectionist fears and unrealistic expectations. We stunt our growth when we avoid doing difficult things because we fear failure (a trap I have found myself in, as well as our two perfectionist children). We can work through mistakes no matter how big or small, and life goes on. Progression should be measured, not perfection. If this is your mindset, your alleviated grief bone will thank you regularly.

Final Thoughts
Facing an irrational fear demystifies it, bringing an understanding of more realistic outcomes. It also enables a dramatic power shift from the paralyzing emotion of phobia to the courage center of your mighty brain. The new experience allows you to sustain your newfound courage into the future. Facing fears in a safe environment breeds the confidence needed to maximize personal freedom and happiness.

By nature, I am a worrier. It's something I've been working on for years! As a kid, my mom convinced me that my "creative" worries were evidence of imaginative genius (also please appreciate my mullet, below). Her attitude helped me discover some hidden value in my fears, bringing a secret pride to my anxious kid mind. This resulted in more creative pursuits and I'm a better person because of it. However, this attitude did keep my worries unchecked well into adulthood, though less so during those seemingly invincible teenage years before my brain fully developed... (but that's another story.)
Dale Carnegie's book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living helped me start with a few techniques that I still use weekly, if not daily, with myself or my kids. My favorite tactic is to mentally work through a perceived worst case scenario, considering its likelihood of playing out. And since I feel mentally prepared for a worst case scenario, it makes facing a less-than-desirable situation much more manageable.

FDR famously said, "The only thing to fear is fear itself." We're taking a proactive approach to managing our fears-- we've faced 9 of these top 10 fears in the past month! There is much more conquering ahead of us, but we've gotten a great start.

In a world fraught with danger and uncertainty, we do need to be vigilant and aware of our surroundings, but our fears need not paralyze us... or even change our behavior unless there is a reasonable chance that our fears will play out. If the fear is unlikely, we can improve our quality of life by defeating it.

Victory
In many cases, these abandoned homes and land had been in the family for generations. One kind man invited us into his family home just as he was leaving at dusk. He thankfully spoke a little English.  As we walked in, he lit a small candle and showed us around, pointing out the religious pictures on the wall. The inside was previously covered in a carpet of ash (still noticeable around the edges), but he has cleaned it up nicely. I thought he takes very good care of the house considering that no one can ever live in it again. He proudly showed us around.
This man's grandfather helped establish the village many years ago, which only increased the emotional difficulty to leave. This is his home; I believe it's where he grew up. He had survived, but still longed to be here even though the government forbids it. In much of the world, there is a strong connection between the land and identity (something some of my fellow Americans don't quite grasp; we have a relatively short history, high mobility, and plenty of land). Take land away and these people lose a piece of themselves. This theme is at the core of many domestic and international disputes.
When I asked this man's name, he said: "Victory." How powerful! True, though being a survivor is not the same as being a victor (I mean, how does a farmer defeat a volcano?). His real victory comes from defeating his internal struggles resulting from his displacement and loss. I have so much respect for him and his family and am sincerely thankful he was willing to share a glimpse of his family's survival story. What a meaningful education that sank deep into our hearts.

Conclusion
This is the real world, my friends. There are amazing people hidden all around us who have experienced something incredibly difficult, and survived. This sometimes painful world mass-produces "survivors" through our human experiences with natural disasters, sickness, addiction, accidents, injustice, mental illness, among many others. Whether the stimulus comes from a volcano or just making it through another day in middle school, to be human is to be a survivor. The basic instinct to survive is in our genetic makeup. Furthermore, surviving creates depth in our character as we become victors over the pains of our human experience.

While most of us don't have a deadly volcano in our backyard, we have a lot in common with these inspiring people. I think this is why I feel such a strong attachment with this remote ghost town--they inspired me. In the moment, our hardships may seem unbearable. However, life goes on and we find a way to make it through, though changed.

Bonus Pics

Take note of the caked-on layer of ash, burn designs in the wood siding (from the hot ash), knocked out piece of roof, and some remains of a melted plastic banner on the side of the house.

There was a big difference in the condition of tile homes and wooden homes. Tile can be wiped down clean with minimal visible damage to the outside, often revealing some bright colors. The wooden ones--even if brushed off--looked like they had been uninhabited since the 1800s (not unlike gold rush 'ghost towns' I have visited in the western US). The state of the homes and belongings was so deteriorated that it was hard to believe this was a prosperous, flourishing town only a few short years ago.

Charlie's favorite part of the abandoned town was treasure hunting (if you've read the Our Family section of the blog, you know he aspires to grow up to be Wall-E: a collector of trash treasures). Our guide kept trying to sell me on the idea of giving Charlie this rusty old oil lamp as a souvenir... I insisted that a picture would suffice. The big sheets of material in the left picture are pieces of the ceiling that had caved-in.

Here's some other left behind remnants of the eruptions. Notice the deformed/melted plastic, layer of ash on almost all surfaces inside and out, clothes still out to dry (just as they were left), and other belongings that seem untouched.

This must have been a magnificent banyan tree. It burned down in the big eruption in May 2016. I would have loved to see it while alive, but I was 1-year too late.

Apparently this is a nice NEW (expensive) moto. The assumption is that the owner used government relief funds intended for other use (housing, food, etc.). Without remembering the details of the story, I could tell there is some animosity toward this individual's behavior, whether or not the funding assumption was true or only perceived. I dare say this scenario could be played out in almost any country where there's a perception of unequal distribution of government resources (OK, all countries?).

The edge of civilization. I was told that houses used to line small stream below, but now there is nothing left. You can only see the very bottom of the volcano--the rest is hidden by clouds.

Here's a large mound of compressed and hardened ash. It's amazing to think of the force needed to blow this much material out of that mountain... Ash flew 12,000 ft in the sky.

While staying in Indonesia, we spent a few nights in Bukit Lawang. Bukit Lawang is known as a popular tourist destination because of the nearby rainforest and variety of wildlife (including orangutans). To read my dad's input on our jungle trek, click here. Our lodging was a bamboo tree house (minus the tree); the backyard was a jungle river. However, what we didn't realize is that outlaw monkeys run this town.
At check-in, the owners warned us to always lock the doors and windows when we leave, because monkeys will come inside and steal your stuff. These monkeys aren't ones you want to mess with--they will bare their inch-long fangs if you look at them in the eye.
Often, these monkeys sat on our balcony and stared into the house, inspecting our every move and eyeing our goods. Several times they caught us by surprise eating a snack on the balcony, quickly swinging over with greedy ambition. They rushed to the scene to find us running indoors and turning the lock. But these monkeys were determined. They watched us and paced outside our door for a good 45 minutes, keeping us under pirate house arrest.
If you notice above, this guy vandalized our hand-washed clothes that we had just laid out to dry. After he left, we noticed that the rebellious rascal had pooped my pants! Literally!

We ended up doing a extra load of laundry that night, with vengeful thoughts toward that outlaw monkey. But we couldn't even get revenge, because monkeys don't wear clothes...
Another time they saw Cosie eating a sliver of bread and they were positive it was meant for them. You can only guess what they were saying: