God's Grace and a Place to Live

Today commences our actual lives in Malaysia! Well, it feels that way because up until this point, we’ve lived a less-than-ideal transition phase. Coming off airplanes for 24+ hours, we were grateful to have horizontal places to sleep, but that 600 ft2 apartment near Georgetown just wasn’t cutting it for this family of seven. There was almost literally no counter space in the kitchen and we were just crawling all over each other fighting most of the time. Kyle and I were also so stressed with the housing hunt that we didn’t have time or emotional space for the kids or taking them out around town. This stress culminated 36 hours ago.

We were scheduled to check out of the apartment the next day at noon, and still hadn’t the slightest clue where we’d be moving next. We’d put two separate offers on townhomes but it seemed less and less promising with every passing hour that either would work out. 

It was late Monday night and we resolved ourselves to packing up and moving into another Airbnb the next morning. It would cost us a pretty penny and still be geographically far from our future neighborhood. Plus it'd further delay our resettling and acclimation to our new lives. We were just flat out of other options, though.

And then, out of the thick of our despair, the clouds parted and God intervened.

My agents called back and said they'd negotiated an owner of a property in our dream neighborhood down to our budget and we could move in tomorrow. Whaaaaat?!!!! It was unbelievably merciful news, as it typically takes several days to settle these things. 

I suppose I can see now that it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if we’d had to pack it all up and take two taxis around town to move into another Airbnb until the weekend, or even if we’d had to rent somewhere else.  Maybe. At this point, though, after nearly three months of uprooting our family every week or so to sleep off someone’s couches and floors, flooding the kids with changes and isolating them from friends and activities they hold dear, it just seemed wretched to delay the stability we’ve all been craving any longer. And I just don’t think we’d be anywhere near as comfortable and happy in any other neighborhood.

There’s really no explanation for how well things panned out yesterday other than the mercy of God. I feel incredibly blessed that we’ve finally found our home, and hope it’s a sign that God approves of our decision to be here and will work miracles on our behalf.

In many ways I don’t believe in the simple concept that faith works miracles. At least, not the miracles we ask for. I find it a bit lazy to just expect that He will turn our troubles into triumphs if we simply believe He will. With our decision to move to Malaysia, I don’t feel He “told” us to come here at all. Oh how we wish we could feel such a confirmation! No, I think He simply didn’t tell us not to come, and expected us to make our own decision.

I DO believe He’ll consecrate our experiences for our good, but consecrating certainly doesn’t mean giving all our struggles miraculous happy endings. If I ask for things to be easy, I’m not only being selfish and greedy (considering how much more most people on the planet need than I do), but I’m also asking NOT to progress and be stretched. Oh goodness gracious how afraid I am of being stretched. Even I, who typically embraces the unknown, shudder at the thought of what progress truly means. And yet, I know it’s the only way to become what I need to become.

I feel like the stakes this year are higher than ever before in my life. This year, I’m not trying just to get by or simply to achieve some symbiotic happy home life. I am attempting the nearly unattainable. Chartering our paths through a foreign land with all the accompanying adventures and challenges while starting and growing a business we know nothing about while homeschooling and raising our lovely but emotionally needy (and delinquent, in some cases) children is a lofty goal indeed. Good Lord, I am scared out of my mind.

And yet, for the precise reason that this year may prove my most broadly challenging so far, it may also prove the most critical, and the greatest catalyst for the direction our lives will take from here on out. This is why I wish I could just know for sure that God wants us to be here, that we’re “supposed to be here,” as many believers would say. I just don’t believe in “supposed to”s anymore, though. Even more than wanting us to be in any particular place doing any particular thing, I believe God just wants us to be and do what we choose.

Still, securing this home was a sign that He’s got our back, and though I don’t expect Him to deliver us from every uncomfortable circumstance, I am very grateful that in this case He did. I do believe He’ll do His part, I just hope and pray I’m somehow able to do mine.